This Spiral Wind

Treading home

School now my work,
Jocular no more

And if only I thought like this then
Make someone think I'm right.
Make a teacher maybe
Again I long for their ear 

Draw parochially near.
In the same corridors. Still lime green and tights
Still gummed up desks
I am just embryo, glowing and foetal
A somehow indecipherable life
primed boyish, brimming
and precious
Turning slowly, rotating, muffled
Of little consequence
I am stretching for validation
So wanting to put distance between the old
To carve more new
I make it so in my mind
Flesh and circumstance limp in line, behind
Accusing stand the looming dammed


My very own Shelley
Burns bright on the vast beach of my imagination
Wolf and owl and tree and more

Gone now
Fuck he was holy
And more elemental than even the romantics

A skeleton in the chalk

I flounder in seas turned hard

Desperate in excavation

Digging everything up

Tentative on every boundary

Terminus threatens futility

There is lots to know

There is lots to be
Oh, let me last
Invisibly
Less of me, invincibly
Charting a spiral wind
Permanent in crisis, a hymn to reality
strained vision traces the silhouette of a solitary tree

The bigness in me is too there, so more, so very more, 

Expletives shagged bare lay coiled amongst an amplified intensifier  
This swelling largeness too much, 
too temporal, too burgeoning,
too groan and call and howl and wish, too fickle too illusive 

Too Water
Drop a notch in a windy mind
Crash and boom
Toss air in tree, like the ocean
Tight jaw
loose for a moment
As demanding as a fire
Quench not
Satiate sorrow, fly
Some where else
Someone when
illusion and lie
Won't satisfy

Treading home to not my house
I don't generate. I think swell up
I sway and loaf, aloof
I pontificate
And earn little money
Sage to the grace of others
Sorely
Truly
I beg to hide or trick
Giddy in freedom my script
Laden with exception
Heart squirming, pulse heading all of me . Colour squeeze. Pressure reign and fidget non ending

Yearning blueish fervour
Tone and. Blue

Colour
Permeate, ignite me
Won't you
Permanently unite me

/ˈfantəsi,-zi/

Fantasy: 

The Mountain named after a man

Facts never rest

On the summit 

When you can go no higher

Jump and try to Fly

http://adultjazz.tumblr.com/BIB

the Universe is as Big as my Heart

A sense of the broken places presses upon me

Compresses my mind

As my sickly fortune balloons into oblivion

Guilt mixes with bile

I am full of the urgency to love

Oppressed by friends and strangers, all scattered

Slashed at by life's sharp edge

The block stop wedge

A bleak point, without purpose

Pains hammer, relentless

The inevitable terminus,

relief?

And me with a sense of hope

A bubble not yet burst

Borrowed eyes still seeing

Recognising life in the presence of its shadow

Oh thick black shape!

I pray that something good billows in your depths

I try to imagine some end to life that is bigger than its parts

Fingers press for blood

The wish a rusty eyed red scream

It is one

Precious in pain

Illusively here

It is not me, why is that so?

I am here, something not

I do not know how to interpret the vague impulses of this formless monster

So I drift in an absurd world

Love seems my only cause of action

Off runs fear, melancholy drains

Guilt remains

What of those who cannot get hold of anything to navigate by

Who have dismantled every story yet can not tell another

Or the simply tired,

Named or not, those that suffer terribly

Do so quietly

I cannot think for them

Lying, still breathing

As foolish as when I first entered this world

The thought lingers like a bird with no nest
I was born
The terrifying thrill of it rises in my chest
BORN!

Evolution as elevation

'I'm not after religion! I want mercy'
Said Jesus
No one listened and on it went

So as a child I worried when I forgot to start god with a
CAPITAL
Yet neglected my natural wonder
And was blind to my blessed life
Gratitude did not exude, it was fleeting
I wanted my next fix

In the addled essence of adolescence
Performance poured
So on it went
The drama of a personal universe
Taking license with the script, ad lib
Always half an eye on the prompts
Who waited in the wings like hovering vultchers
Ready to devour stray ideas
Screeching lines like that was all there was

As an adult
Other peoples voices still echo in my inner cathedral
Though truth be told
I could never say everything
I would always stumble over the punch line
Honestly
I revere justice too much to make myself it's depository

Come to the party, everyone
Respond without judgement, let go
Police others thoughts no longer
No more will you vanquish all that threatens you
Give up on being so correct
Deal in real and make room for mercy