Still night clean with wholesome energy. Fresh air set
against cloudless silk. The dark and unbroken sky somehow smiling calm. I walk
amongst a gentle garden with thoughts that mirror the night, ethereal
nostalgic shimmers. Swaying emotion is charged and piled up in a wave like rhythm.
Emotion stored to overflow on nights like this one. I find myself smiling and then
soon I am dancing. Only me, no one to watch as I dance like I did as a
toddler, for the sensation and moment. The joyous shedding of my disfigured heart,
shrugging off the overwhelming absence of meaning. Sliding with the confusion
of these days, shaking and stomping in step with the clarity of a single instant. Layer after layer of my decrepit uncertainty peeling back. Underwater
feelings coming up to the surface finding a current in which to flow. Yes, I am
lost, yes, I am enduring the agony of growing up, yet in the garden earphones
in I am dancing.
This inner upwelling gives way to a more reflective
exercise. Earphones out I greet the trees to find sound mind waiting. Each
sense engages with solidity and the natural presence before me. Hands massage
the groves and breaks of the bark. Forehead pressed into the steady smell,
everything speaking to a stillness hidden in me. I imagine the trees as healers,
I feel parts of my brain leap into place, reconfiguring. Here, I believe the
trees to be on my team and hug each one. I leave in gratitude knowing we are
one, a system that is not mine to own only dance with.
