30/06/2010

Frustrated spaces

Jack plays ball
outside, down the steps
on a concrete clearing.
Playing at contentment
Jack sends the frustrated ball through the misty window.
The closed misty window of the still old train station.
A burst of fresh light pierces through the glassy air

Quite a round hole remains,
A hole that wishes it was jagged, in its 3 across 7 down misty window.
The glass is cleared,
Presumably.
as the dust settles
A tiny spider
with no name
weaves his web across the quite round, frustrated hole.

The sharp light dances easily through
flirting with the stuffy air
Thanks to Jack.

a child protection meeting

Cause for concern
Young offenders and abuse
For love kids yearn
Not a cold mother goose

Cause for concern
More material to own
What do you earn
Must take another loan

Cause for concern
So many are dying
Our leaders wont learn
Busy with selling and buying

Cause for concern
the earth is being raped
Her forests still burn
A dismal future being shaped

Cause for concern
Were spiritually dead
God invites us to turn
Yet many remain unfed

Congealed


Congealed
I’m in a room with a heavy ceiling
Dull tremors
A turbulent sea of voices creaks under its own weight,
Now lingering _
Above the shuddering floor
Stagnating anxiously in the audible ambience
The shy walls regurgitate sound morsels
My thoughts wade and suffocate in
The thick rapture,
Congealed.

14/05/2010

A belated preface

I’ve just finished some extensive research into the art of blogging. Some may be surprised to learn that this blog, indeed the first few posts, were created prior to the author (quite a self lubricating use of the title author i know) ever exhibiting an interest in any one else’s blog. So my early posts could be considered a kind of premature ejaculation, this is typical of my anomalitic sense of self importance. Indeed until just now I’d read very few blogs in my time and had never been a follower in the cyber sense, although I do like the idea - so once I have pacified my obscure suspicion that committing to such an arrangement will be too complicated or in some way demanding I will pluck up the courage and click ‘follow’, multiple times probably.
Any way I’ve made several key observations from my research that have caused me to reconsider my approach and, write this. You see a common feature of the blogs I have encountered is they include some sort of introduction or preface that, in part, makes some sort of concerted effort to justify why they are excreting their thoughts all over the place. Secondly i havn't been writing enough in the first person, da da! Another observation is I need to either assert my views with a cocksure strut or be sufficiently unbiased and ambiguous to guard against any disarming comments. I am good at creating an illusion of the former but it scares me and will often find myself whittling and welding to do the later, but I don’t want to do that either. You might be surprised once again (I am often a very surprising person) to learn that although I have now read quite a few posts in several blogs none of them actually resemble what I have just described, I am just guessing that some do. If you like I was using a poetic licence or a kind creative misting to illuminate my own preconceptions of what a blog is for.

So if you are reading this, are you? (It’s good for me to jokingly insinuate that I have had some kind of rendezvous with metaphysical ideas) I have three things I want to say to you: congratulations, a warning and a plea

1) Well done. Simply well done because undoubtedly I will not overtly advertise this to anyone, it will be a dormant monster brooding with unconsummated intent. A putrid paradox - where I will faithfully add to it, half hope people will stumble upon it or notice the inconspicuous link on my facebook details page yet never tell anyone to look on it, fearful I will be defined by it. Oh no no never - that would presuppose that in some way I think it is good or has value and woe betide anyone who thinks that. This congratulation was going to be shorter but on writing it I have been forced to examine myself, internally not mirrors and prongs. I have a new found respect for authors, anyone actually who expresses themselves creatively or honestly and presents it, it is a risk. I have for a while thought risk is vital to real open relationship, they require vulnerability. Perhaps willingness to risk being vulnerable is a necessary stance if we want to engage with another person’s ideas, experiences and creations. I am beginning to think this willingness to be vulnerable is required for creativity, at the least vulnerability before yourself; “go on surrender yourself to your own mercy and get your juices flowing” would be my tagline in an advert advocating this brand of leap, imagine it intonated by a big green dinosaur on roller-skates or gushed by a tiger with bating eyelids and flowing hair.

2) My warning follows thus – (its hardly apocolyptic) the quagmire of scribbled potential projects, lists of ambitious to do’s, piles of unread books, art equipment in the corner and barren broken bike all give substance to this warning. Testament to the fact that I have phases and fads, ideas that rise and fall, bouncing from one another each crescendo echoing into another, they germinate and are neglected. From an outside perspective it would seem that these phases and fads I mention must be another example of my creative misting, by that I mean if you were to watch me you would think I have relatively stable and consistent interests and passions – I do yes, but partly only because these ideas, interests and ambitions are in such a constant state of flux I have no time to act on them before they change. Granted they all have a similar trajectory but the point remains, well will remain once I make it. But first, unlike the list at the beginning of this warning I do have one example which emphasises the point, noisily and visually.

http://www.myspace.com/adultjazz

You see. There lies either a short lived phase of musical ambition or an attempt to strike the comedy chord. Here it is, the point, I rarely follow anything through with a commitment that makes anything of quality. I am in a reflective thoughtful wordy type phase, often the case, but at the moment stroking those thoughts into written word appeals to me as does having one place to store/present them. How long this will last, I cannot say...warning this blog is probably a fad.


3) My plea isn’t as desperate as you may predict. Please do leave any comments, is all I ask. I am cowering as I write. If anyone writes anything negative or in disagreement I will delete their post and probably the whole blog and leave with my head hung, hosting tiny red eyes. You see its an uncomfortable invitation to rethink - an invitation that, if accepeted, may demand me to recreate myself in some small way. No, despite the simple truth that few like being contraired on, I think it is important so please contrair away. (thats right I can make up words if I so wish, on this web address - in this space - contraired is a word, use it at will)

09/05/2010

waiting outside a garden centre in the car

Garden centre, hip hip horray
One whole promising day
And - no admissions to pay

Everyone loves plants in the garden centre
The bushes, flowers or ‘green’ generator

All kept in manageable rows
Digestible pieces of tamed ‘wildyness’
Displaying big affordable prices
And half price Dutch hoes.

Buy a piece of wilderness
With money
Made out of trees.

Two watery poems

Downpour cascading.
Dazzling dancing drizzle.
Bubbling and buoyant,
bouncing off the rocks.

Playfully gurgling,
a whisper then a shout.
Fluid and fresh.
Light dancing
as the water
chases
the
current.

Here

Relentless life giver.
Subtle beauty, framed by load power.
An enduring element
not bound by time
only passing it.
Constantly talking if only we’d listen,
a calming voice
taking a well worn path
A familiar track
scored by shimmering glass.

Rubber Duck Suck


Right now, in this era of here
I’m playing in the folds of technology’s robe
Donning my fad rags for a night in networking
My digital dalliance delivers only 
Smokeless fags
Flirting hags
Cyber stags

My screen screams silence
Longing for another, I search 4 sum 1
Again
Frantically I search another enchanting, lonely street
Of our golden cyber city
Where you don’t need feet
Embraced by the silver sticky thread
Of the world wide web
I’m trapped and waiting on this comfy seat

Too bored for thinking
I substitute napping for finger tap tapping
Heavy and upright
Sleep! calls the night
But bright light
Shiver and shake
Pixels pulsate

They throb as I do
A sole silent soul in a chemical soup

Screens scream silence
Mashed up violence
Sat there blinking
I know I’m shrinking
Mind melter, my thought shelter
I’m compact and taut like a
Rubber duck, suck!
Yellow plastic skin a brain like a bin

So here
head hung, red eyes an unseen twisted frown
I’m crying in the folds of technology’s robe
To scared to steal myself and take back her crown

Days bye, gone


The desperate end of an era
The glorious lifestyle
Stayed just a while
But what changes
no physical metamorphosis
no, because
those people keep on marching
yes
 To where?
and to what beat?
Such persistence
Oh you dirty tired feet.

Forgetfulness, distance and time
Weapons wielded by tiny angry horizons
By perverted priorities and misplaced trust
Friendships get old, friendships can rust

Forgetfulness, distance and time
Weapons we wear
Weapons that wear us down
In our lonely fight
Society’s products, its jobs
And dam ’dare’ priorities
Sanding down the edges of meaning
Drying out the wells, the memory wells
Crushing once proud now flaccid dreams

For many
A lifestyle just lived for a while
Fuzzy memories on a discarded pile
For many

But for me
These weapons I’ll defy
In people I’ll invest
and hope I’ll  rely
Please then please
Please reply

As we hope
Smashing those sticky mirrors
Hope
To partake in the positive
Plumb for potential
Pursue people
Promote peace
And live a glorious lifestlye

And live.

08/05/2010

A short story: inspired by plato's cave and john 1

A tribe called ignorance there once lived, their universe a box. No one knew what the box looked like on the outside or even why the box was there. On the inside there were bulges on the ground, pools of water, and a vast array of colour, a brown carpet and a chequered ceiling that quivered hypnotically. With this rather limited perspective the tribe began to strive for meaning, it seemed they all had a proclivity for purpose yet they often disagreed, violently in some instances.

“I think who ever made this [expansive flourish] must love t he colour brown as this carpet is the foundation of all and takes up so much space. If you truly are a follower of the maker you must wear brown, all other colours are evil and seductive”

Larry preached venomously.

“No I think the chequered ceiling is what’s important [gesticulating wildly as he disseminates saliva generously on an adoring huddle]; it inexorably speaks to us of good and evil. Once a month lets all dance around beneath its enduring gaze, one half wearing black the other in white and then once the dances reach crescendo we’ll hold a chess tournament in honour of the gods.”

Kenny would propose incessantly. To which Quentin would quickly quip,

“Your all fools, what proof do you have? Let’s keep drilling down and gazing up, were learning fast and becoming more and more powerful, we are our own gods”

So as time went on more ideas flowed out of this amazing species, some philosophies more wacky than others, some quite simply superfluous. But every revelation was relative; there was no gen of truth greater than the box. "What we need" pondered Joan "is an outside perspective." One day a man arrived, who seemed different, no one knew how he got in. This man claimed to have an outside perspective. He spoke,

“I made this box; I love you so love me and love each other”

Pretty soon after that he left. Some had a compelling sense it was the overture their ancestors had waited for. Many thought ‘is that it’. Surely there’s more to life than that they doubted, "what about all our ideas? What about the chess tournament!?" Frantic steps, furrowed brows, a loud lethargy. But like the man had said, apparently, ‘his yoke was easy’.

“Oh I like my brown clothes, and I’d just received the distinction of a second smear”

Larry said defiantly. Many of the tribe stuck to what they knew or even fused together old with new, keeping what suited them. Some brave genuine folk continued searching, still generating fantastic ideas still lacking that illusive legitimate claim to true knowledge. From the appearance of that weird and compelling man, the tribe called ignorance had been left with a decision.

His life would be passed on and written about. His message and those tagged on would of course be subject to the tribe’s interpretation. Like all their liaisons with the questions and answers concerning their universe, stifling senses fumbled first. But at least it didn’t have to be so like groping around in a dark cave any longer.

07/05/2010

'the christian vote'

I have found the build up to this election interesting, challenging but mostly frustrating. All major parties seem to think within the same narrow parameters and consequently the set of available options is radically limited. It’s frustrating because I don’t think you need to know very much about the world to see, that unless they were impossibly bold, any party in power has its hands tied by a global economy and complex international relations. For me though there is a fundamental problem with politics as we have known it throughout most of human history so far – it’s very clear as you listen to the debates – each leader of course promises our country’s prosperity and security, as essential priority – it is good to prosper and be safe of course but the commitment to that as a country’s driving aim reinforces an innate tribal instinct we have as humans. This instinct is extrapolated by our clearly defined country borders. It’s why I believe Jesus demands his church to be a selfless community, the only way our tribal instincts can be a good thing is if we identify ourselves with a selfless tribe. By promising to work toward our countries prosperity and security at all costs you automatically elevate this countries value higher than the others. In a world with limited recourses of course this will involve trampling other countries into the ground and even if it does not it certainly will not involve picking the already trampled countries out of the dirt with any genuine commitment. Imagine what the world would be like if the 70%+ in the dirt had the same lifestyles and opportunity as the lucky 30%, we could not sustain ourselves for long. So already like all leaders around the world ours are saying our country is more important than the others that perhaps the image of God is stronger amongst us brits - that all humans do not have an equal stake to a quality of life, if they do then the parameters they argue within would need to be shattered.

What a shame that our countries attempt at democracy amounts to voting for the least worst option. How our country feels qualified to go and initiate democracy in other countries when ours leaves so much to be desired is hard to understand. The House of Lords can veto nearly all bills, a significant proportion of those Lords, have inherited seats or bought them, still the rich elite have a huge stake in our democracy. We did not vote in our present prime minister - that was left to his party made up of a particular demographic and a small sample at that. A party can have a 1/4 of the nations votes but only 10% of the seats. People have dismissed a coalition government based on the threat of indecision, bickering and back hand deals. This will probably happen, but it doesn’t say much about the character of our politicians, they are people and they can decide not to bicker or make back hand decisions. As for indecision, Germany the power house of Europe do ok as do Scotland. In fact of the top rated 16 countries in the Aaa category 10 operate coalition governments. Saying that I do not want a coalition government because I think it will work in England straight away but because it’s the biggest step for change and a change like that is a catalyst for more change. Even if its change for the worst it will galvanise people into action and place pressure on the perceived limit that dictates the range of feasible ideas.

There have been several influential Christian organisations asserting conservatives are the best option; in fact they have seemed just as bias as any of the political party’s actual propaganda. Conservatives are not necessarily the clear Christian position. Some Christian organisations argue that an increasingly secular society will obscure the banner of Gods light they fly, that it will become harder for Christians to do good works which transform society. I think these arguments disclose a gross misinterpretation of the gospel. No type of world can hide the spirit of God in us; if the salt remains in the salt cellar then it does so because we choose to hide it and do not let God transform our hearts. Do not those arguments completely undermine the power of the gospel, the idea a 'dark' world could hide that light makes no sense, a light is more obvious and radically different in darkness. The gospels present Jesus alive in a time and place that’s a melting pot of both secular and heavily religious sensibilities, both divorced from God. Yet Jesus and his actions were distinctive, he seemed saltier and brighter because the world he was in is was the antithesis, he was God and it could not be hidden. The idea that a particular party could accelerate the moral decline of our society suggests that if we have the right laws in 'those straightforward issues of right or wrong' we can raise our society up to an acceptable moral position. If an acceptable moral position existed it would surely also challenge our military endeavours,our treatment of the natural world,question our economy, address social injustice and emphasise our responsibility to the poor and marginalised (my thoughts after reflection on matt 25 and Rom 12:10 -13). I believe the wretched of the earth should be shown that God is on their side; those who are blessed are to bless others - spiritually, emotionally and physically. Imposing a certain way of living will not transform anyone’s heart, the Old Testament is a long history thats testament to that - If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. According to these Christian organisations these good works which transform society seem to amount to shouting at people on street corners, handing out step by step guides on how to get to heaven and forcing individuals who may want no part in the kingdom of God to live by the standards of that kingdom, which is futile. Our motive as Christians is not to force people to conform or say a 5 point prayer but to bless them, to love them, what follows from that we leave confidently in the hands of God. 1Timothy 6:17-18 gives me an alternative insight into what criteria a Christian could base their vote on.

Many seem scared that their christianty will be made redundant or irrelevant in a growing secular society. But the message of the gospel speaks directly to the deepest parts of the soul and unfolds the human condition. Isn’t its essence the joy of being at peace with God and the transformation toward holiness, toward love that can grow from that relationship because of Jesus? I propose the Christian organisations that are fearful of losing their influence have confused priorities and have forgotten what it is that makes them relevant to a struggling world. Perfect love drives out all fear. ‘When fear flows in love flows out. When love flows in fear flows out. It all depends on which power we expose our hearts to’ Slewyn Hughes.

The politicians over these last months have bickered over 6 billion pounds this is a small amount of money in relation to our countries GDP, or the national debt, or our spending on militarily/nuclear weapons which is on its way to equal the trillion dollars a year America spend. The financial sectors activities are divorced from the real economy of goods and services, a significant proportion of money (some figures say 70% but I am wary) is caught up in Monetarism, buying and selling money, which is a system purely about making money to make more money, most of it doesn’t really enter into the economy yet we are at its mercy, more so are the worlds poorest. ‘Globally it now turns over more than 60 times the size of world GDP every year. In the UK it has reached a staggering 446 times the size of our real economy’ (Schulmeister, 2009). There is a tax called the robin hood tax which proposes to ‘tax the trade in financial assets such as stocks, bonds and foreign exchange’ The UK already taxes share trades with a 0.5 per cent stamp duty, they say it should also tax sterling exchange at 0.005 per cent (5p for every £1,000 exchanged). This would raise up to $400 billion globally each year, they want to spend that on national and international injustices and climate change. $400 billion is incidentally the total amount given in aid to Africa since the 60’s, of which 1/3 of that has been used corruptly through misplaced trust and superficial cooperate intervention with a vested interest elsewhere (Patricia Adams - Probe International). Politics does matter as a Christian here in England because the underlining values that run our country are toxic. The phrase money talks is commonplace and utterly true in this society, imagine a society where the accurate observation was love talks or selflessness talks or forgiveness talks. In my opinion there is no government that can achieve this paradigm shift because it will not be laws and legislation but Jesus living in us and loving through us. But like Jesus when he was alive our love will challenge the values and methods of our society. So we should strive for the things of Gods heart in every sphere including politics, this is where the some of these Christian organisations I’ve hinted at are absolutely right. My problem is they seem to have reduced Gods heart to homosexuality, abortion, euthanasia and conversion – all anyone hears from Christians, often unfortunately through very hateful discourse. As for straightforward right and wrongs the bible is clearer on selfishness and pride. Although politics can’t change those attitudes, Christians can push for governments to rectify the many situations that have been caused by those attitudes, and the prevailing systems that continue to do so. Like the small mustard seed the kingdom of God will spread and transform the world through the infectious trail of bold, small acts of love.